Back in 1981 during my first attempt at domesticity in Townsville, I had a retired neighbour who confided in me that, after a lifetime of earning lots of money in mining, he had buried it all in kerosene tins in his garden - I kid you not! - so that he would qualify for the government pension. I pointed out to him that he missed out on more interest than he got in welfare but he was not persuaded because, as he said, "I paid my taxes for it!"
I have been searching for kerosene tins on ebay today because, if Labor gets in this year and starts fiddling with my self-managed super fund, I'll pull all the money out, stick it in kerosene tins, bury it in the garden, and leave a map in my will with a cross on it that says, "Dig here!"
Then I'll go, cap in hand, to Centrelink and apply for the government's age pension plus a whole bunch of other freebies: free medical treatment, free pharmaceuticals, free trains and buses, concessional postage stamps; why, even free housing, if I fill in the right forms.
If enough of us self-funded retirees follow my example, the whole thing may finally be seen for what it is: a totally rorted and unsustainable system funded by those of us who didn't piss it all up against the wall while we were still working, plus generations yet unborn, and we may once again be allowed to provide for our own retirement without being robbed at every step of the way.
Incidentally, when I visited Townsville again in 1985, I heard that the retired neighbour had died and the house been sold. I was tempted to tell the new owners to start digging but they looked like Labor voters who were already drawing enough in benefits!
