Even though we are now on town water, I'm still in the habit of saving water and not taking long showers or not taking showers at all, but today is a cool and windy day, and to cheer myself up, I decided to take a long hot shower. As I stood there, with the hot water cascading down my back, I had what's called "shower thoughts", those sudden, insightful ideas or realisations that occur during mundane, relaxing activities like showering, walking, or doing dishes, rather than during focused deliberate thinking.
My "shower thought" was: why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time? My greatest regret is how much I believed in the future.
I have had those personal epiphanies before, even though they vastly differed depending on how old I was. For most of my life I was carried along by time, unaware of its passage, its texture, its weight. I didn't think my time would ever come to an end because I had never concerned myself with its passage. I was like the fish unaware it's swimming in water. Then the moment came, when I realised that it is me who carries time. I don't know when but I was already much older than Sisyphus when he started pushing that bolder up the hill. It's still cool and windy outside, a Camus kind of day, so perhaps I ought to spend it reading or listening to Camus.
P.S. I can't find my old copy of "The Myth of Sisyphus". Hello, Roman, if you happen to see a copy at next weekend's Lifeline Canberra Bookfair, could you please buy it for me? Of course, I shall reimburse you and also buy you a cup of coffee at the Catalina Country Club next time we meet.
